The 10 Forms Of Anger
We have all experienced anger. Biologically, anger is an affective stress reaction to frustration. You probably dont know that there are different kinds of anger. There are at least 10 various forms of anger, and each is different from the other. Once you understand the different types of anger, you will learn how to calm down when youre angry.
Here they are with the emotions that accompany them.
Our Stress Management Resources
We have many tools and techniques that focus on how to relax through breathing. Why not try out some of the following exercises yourself or with your clients?
First, we recommend downloading our free mindfulness tool pack to try out the powerful tools contained within, including:
- Leaves on a StreamThis beautiful exercise will help you separate from your thoughts, letting go rather than getting caught up in them.
- Eye of the Hurricane MetaphorFocusing your attention inward can help you disengage from a hectic world and create more inner peace.
Other free resources include:
- Breath AwarenessAwareness of our breath can help us release stress and tension, providing a welcome break to a busy day.
- Yogic BreathingTry out yogic breathing to become more aware of your breathing and take time for mindful relaxation.
- Stress Relief BooksIn this article Stress-Relief Books About the Science of Managing Anxiety we suggest 13 books ideal for taking away stress and anxiety.
More extensive versions of the following tools are available with a subscription to the , but they are described briefly below:
- The Three-Minute Breathing SpaceEven a short time focusing on our breathing can help integrate aspects of mindfulness into a busy schedule.
The downloadable audio is divided into three sections:
Awareness â How are you doing right now?Breathing â Focus full attention on each breath.Expansion of attention â Allow your attention to expand to the rest of the body.
Tips To Calm You Down When Youre Angry
The following suggestions may help when you find yourself in a situation where youre seething with anger. Find the one that works best for you.
The consequences that come with angry outbursts may be putting a strain on your relationship with your spouse, children or others.
Take time to reflect on how your anger can be affecting those around you. Its important to note any other emotions you may be feeling besides anger.
It may be that depression, confusion or frustration is playing a role. Consider taking an anger management course or visiting a counselor to help with anger issues.
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Anger Management Tips To Prevent Relationship Damage
Do you fume when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure rocket when your child refuses to cooperate? If so, you are not alone. Everyone experiences anger from time to time.
Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion. But it’s important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on your health and relationships.
If you’re often feeling angry, or if those feeling are causing problems at home or at work, here are 7 tips to help you regain control:
1. Think before you speak.
One of the best tactics is to take a pause before reacting. If your heart is pounding and you feel like yelling at your friend, family member or the guy who just pulled in front of you in traffic, stop. Take a breath. Count to 10. Do whatever it takes to avoid lashing out and saying or doing something youll regret.
2. Once youre calm, state what upset you.
Express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. Maybe your spouse didnt help clean up the kitchen after you made dinner. Or your son borrowed your car and returned it with a nearly empty gas tank again. State your concerns clearly and directly, using an “I” statement. For example, say, Im upset that you left me without enough gas to get to work, or I resent it when I work to prepare a meal and you dont help clean up afterward.
3. Use humor to release tension.
4. Take a timeout.
5. Get exercise.
6. Practice relaxation skills.
7. Don’t hold a grudge.
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Tip : Stay Calm By Taking Care Of Yourself
Taking care of your overall mental and physical well-being can help ease tension and diffuse anger problems.
Manage stress. If your stress levels are through the roof, youre more likely to struggle controlling your temper. Try practicing relaxation techniques such as mindfulness meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, or deep breathing. Youll feel calmer and more in control of your emotions.
Talk to someone you trust. Nothing eases stress more effectively than chatting face-to-face with a friend or loved one. The person doesnt have to provide answers, they just need to be a good listener. But talking about your feelings and seeking a different perspective on a situation is not the same as venting. Simply venting your anger at someone will only fuel your temper and reinforce your anger problem.
Get enough sleep. A lack of sleep can exacerbate negative thoughts and leave you feeling agitated and short-tempered. Try to get seven to nine hours of good quality sleep.
Exercise regularly. Its an effective way to burn-off tension and ease stress, and it can leave you feeling more relaxed and positive throughout the day. Aim for at least 30 minutes on most days, broken up into shorter periods if thats easier.
Be smart about alcohol and drugs. They lower your inhibitions and can make it even harder to control your anger. Even consuming too muchcaffeine can make you more irritable and prone to anger.
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How To Breathe For Stress Relief
A healthy human has two options for breathing: the mouth or the nose.
While they are both effective ways of gaining vital oxygen into the body, they are not equal.
Though natural, breathing is surprisingly easy to get wrong we often inhale through our mouth when we should use our nose.
Nasal breathing âkills bacteria and viruses and relaxes the blood vessels in the respiratory tract, allowing more oxygen to pass into the bloodâ .
Not only that, but the nose allows us to draw more oxygen from our environment than mouth breathing , improves sleep, reduces tooth decay, and encourages learning .
Slowing the breathing down to about six breaths per minute through the nose reduces the heart rate, widens blood vessels, lowers stress, and promotes calm. Lengthening the out-breath with long, slow exhalations lulls us into an altered state of consciousness that can look much like slow-wave sleep on a brain scan .
When we are experiencing acute stress, the sympathetic system takes control and the vagus nerve is inhibited. High and sustained âvagal withdrawal has been associated with high self-reported levels of stress, anxiety, and depressionâ .
Getting our breathing right can help us reach a high vagal tone when at rest â associated with good physical and mental health, including a reduction in stress.
Amy Cuddy suggests trying the following:
Let Someone Else Tell You What To Do For A Bit
Making decisions in the midst of a panic attack can be hard, to say the least. Try having a go-to meditation video, breathing exercises, or a recording that you can use to calm down when you’re upset. Giving yourself a set of directions to follow in case of an anxiety attack will let you postpone any decisions until you’re in a better frame of mind.
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Write Out The Emotions Of Anger
Write out each of the angers in this article and the associated emotions on a card. Practice while you are calm by stating the anger and then stating all of the related emotions. You might even feel other emotions. State them too. State whatever you feel. Then try bringing up a memory of the last time you were outraged and do the same exercise.
Name the anger and name all the underlying emotions. Practice this two or three times a week for about a minute. In a very short while, you will reprogram your brain to recognize your emotional state. You will recognize the emotions associated with anger. This will help you learn how to calm down when youre angry.
Talk To Your Inner Child
If your knee-jerk reaction is to scroll past this tip because its too woo-woo, hear me out: Psychologist Dr. Margaret Paul tells BuzzFeed that feeling angry at someone else can be an indication that youre not taking care of yourself in a situation, so talking to your inner child can help you to not only calm down, but also to identify whats wrong and be nicer to yourself.
Imagine the angry part of you is a child within you having a temper tantrum, but who is really needing compassion. Imagine holding that angry child with kindness, caring, and compassion, she says. Ask that angry inner child what he or she is angry at you about. Are you not speaking up for yourself? Are you being compliant instead of honest? Are you ignoring your deeper feelings of heartbreak, loneliness, or helplessness over a person or situation?
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Knowing How To Handle Anger Helps You Make Healthier Choices
Some people are prone to rage more often than others, but anger is a feeling that many of us could use a bit of help in handling. The choices we make when angry can often come back to haunt us, but the cycle can be hard to break. Anger has powerbut there are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with that power, from letting it control you to wielding it in a way that spurs you on to something positive. Here’s how to tame your inner raging bull. And if you find that you are often mired in negative thinking, consider this resource.
1. Own It. Pretending you’re not angryespecially while exhibiting nearly cartoonish physical signs of angerdoes no good for you, the target of your anger, or your blood pressure. Many people think that to acknowledge anger is the same as acting inappropriately on it. That’s simply not true, and the difference between those two concepts is huge. Admitting that you are upset, whether to yourself, or as calmly as possible to the person you’re in conflict with can validate your feelings. This, in turn, can help you feel more empowered toward working toward a solution, and it will also diminish the conflict within yourself.
Know Your Triggers And Signs
We all have certain things that make us angry, and also telltale signs that we are starting to lose our temper.
Learning to recognise both can make it easier to stop before you lose your temper.
The signs of anger are often easier to recognise. For example, people often say that their heartbeat increases when they are angry, because anger is linked to the adrenaline response. You may also find that your breathing speeds up, for the same reason. You may tense your musclespeople often clench their fists when they are angry. Some people need to move around, pacing the flooragain, an adrenaline response.
Triggers are often very personal, but there are a number of general themes that can help you to identify them. For example:
- Negative thought patterns are often associated with angry outbursts. Beware if you start over-generalising , or jumping to conclusions about what people are thinking .
- People or places that you find stressful may also make it harder to control your emotions. If your anger is a mask for other emotions, it may therefore be likely to emerge. Being aware of what makes you stressed can help you to avoid those situations, or ask for help to manage them better. See our pages on Stress and Stress Management for more.
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Diffuse Some Lavender Oil
Fact: Lavender is proven to boost feelings of calmness and gratification. The soothing sent is just as effective when anxious as mood-changing medications like Xanax, Valium, and Prozac, with none of the potential side effects. Oh, and major bonus when it’s muggy out: wearing lavender oil is one of the 15 Genius Ways to Outsmart Mosquitoes This Summer!
Being Angry Increases Your Risk Of Heart Disease
Evidence suggests that anger links to a higher risk of heart disease. The influence of anger on the condition is similar to smoking, obesity, and a sedentary lifestyle.
Studies show that people who are angry frequently and have intense outbursts are more susceptible to heart attacks. Theyre also more likely to undergo bypass surgery.
Men are more prone to act out when theyre angry. Young men who react angrily may develop heart disease before the age of 55 or have a heart attack.
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Check In With Yourself
That hangry feeling is real science says so. Thats why checking yourself in a heated moment is so important, says therapist Patrice Douglas. Are you having a bad day? Are you hungry? Are you tired or just not feeling yourself? When feeling like this, we are often on edge and can take what someone says or does the wrong way, causing us to react in anger, she adds.
Plan Your Life 12 Hours At A Time
Ive started to retrain myself to plan only for the day that lies ahead, explains Rachel Bowie, PureWows director of special projects. Compartmentalizing my life into 12-hour chunks makes all the worry for the future feel a bit less daunting. It may not be true, but I like thinking, OK, today? That I can control! Its also a great retraining on living in the moment. Pre-COVID-19, I spent so much time strategizing my next move. The restriction to focus only on the present has made me breathe a bit deeper, inhale fresh air from an open window a bit longer and cherish moments with my familyas long as my 2-year-old isnt melting down.
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Know These Core Truths
Acknowledge some core truths about people: Most people act out of the belief that they are doing the right thing. Most people are not malicious, mean-spirited, or backstabbing. Most people are more sensitive and insecure than they let on. Most people arent very good judges of how their actions affect others. In other words, were neither villains nor saints. Were all just peoplestruggling to lead happy, healthy, meaningful lives in a complicated world. Even the people who anger you. Particularly them. With this in mind, forgiveness comes much easier.
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Dont Beat Up Your Pillow
Think hitting something will feel cathartic and help you reduce your anger? Punching a pillow doesnt help, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Contrary to popular belief, these common reactions dont decrease your anger. In fact, the researchers found they may actually increase your hostility.
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Anger Management: Counting To 10 And Beyond
Even though counting to 10 still works, it helps to add a few extra anger management techniques to your arsenal. Find out more.
From rude drivers to anonymous hackers to co-workers that make your job harder than it should be, it seems that everyone is getting on your nerves and you’re about to lose whatever hold you have left on your temper. What to do? Learn some anger management techniques. Here are a few that might help.
Pour A Few Drops Of Lavender Essential Oil
There are different theories as how and why lavender oil calms you down. Some scientists believe that lavender stimulates the activity of brain cells in the amygdala similar to the way some sedatives work. Others think molecules from essential oils interact in the blood with enzymes and hormones. Research backs its soothing results. A study published in the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine measured the responses of 17 cancer hospice patients to humidified essential lavender oil aromatherapy. Results reflected a positive change in blood pressure and pulse, pain, anxiety, depression, and sense of well-being. I sometimes use lavender oil to sleep better.
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Anger Rage & Resentment
Begin a New Life is a deeply effective, step-by-step program that helps you overcome anger, rage, and resentment. It provides tools for identifying these emotions, making choices about them, and moving forward in ways that are calmer, more at peace, and more productive. Its an excellent stand-alone program or adjunct to other methods, treatments, or therapies. The program can be done in the privacy of your home or in a group context.
If you are looking for a way to deal with anger or control your temper, the Begin a New Life program can help. Its a unique, deeply effective anger management program with everything you need for accomplishing these things.
The Begin a New Life seminar and take-home materials have done more than any book, any counseling, any religious presentation, or any other seminar to set my marriage and my personal, spiritual growth on a good course. To anyone who takes the seminar or uses the materials I say, Go for it, be honest, and dig deep! Your life will be happier and more authentic as a result.
Finger Breathing For Children
Mindfulness and breath control may not be straightforward concepts for younger children. These concepts can be made easier through a simple mindful breathing technique that follows the outline of the hand.
Ask the child to follow these instructions:
- Find a comfortable place to sit.
- Using your pointer finger, slowly trace around the fingers on your other hand. Start at the bottom of the thumb and follow it up to its tip then back down the other side.
- On the way up, breathe in on the way down, breathe out.
- Repeat for each finger, from the thumb to the pinkie and then back again.
- Once done, ask the child how they feel.
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