Know Your Triggers And Signs
We all have certain things that make us angry, and also telltale signs that we are starting to lose our temper.
Learning to recognise both can make it easier to stop before you lose your temper.
The signs of anger are often easier to recognise. For example, people often say that their heartbeat increases when they are angry, because anger is linked to the adrenaline response. You may also find that your breathing speeds up, for the same reason. You may tense your musclespeople often clench their fists when they are angry. Some people need to move around, pacing the flooragain, an adrenaline response.
Triggers are often very personal, but there are a number of general themes that can help you to identify them. For example:
- Negative thought patterns are often associated with angry outbursts. Beware if you start over-generalising , or jumping to conclusions about what people are thinking .
- People or places that you find stressful may also make it harder to control your emotions. If your anger is a mask for other emotions, it may therefore be likely to emerge. Being aware of what makes you stressed can help you to avoid those situations, or ask for help to manage them better. See our pages on Stress and Stress Management for more.
Tip : Use Humor To Relieve Tension
When things get tense, humor and playfulness can help you lighten the mood, smooth over differences, reframe problems, and keep things in perspective. When you feel yourself getting angry in a situation, try using a little lighthearted humor. It can allow you to get your point across without getting the other persons defenses up or hurting their feelings.
However, its important that you laugh with the other person, not at them. Avoid sarcasm, mean-spirited humor. If in doubt, start by using self-deprecating humor. We all love people who are able to gently poke fun at their own failings. After all, were all flawed and we all make mistakes.
So, if youve made a mistake at work or youve just spilled coffee over yourself, instead of getting angry or picking a fight, try making a joke about it. Even if the joke falls flat or comes out wrong, the only person you risk offending is yourself.
When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, a potential conflict can even become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy.
Take A Timeout From Social Media
Social media is fun for mindless scrolling, funny memes and connecting with friends and family. But sometimes, social media projects an unrealistic ideal of how people look, act and carry themselves. When youre feeling angry, it doesnt pay to compare yourself to picture-perfect lives .
Not to mention, burying your nose in your phone provides another excuse to bottle your emotions. Instead, take a timeout from social media to address whatever is currently bothering you.
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How To Let Go Of Anger And Stress Right Now
You can see that my most popular method to let go of anger and stress is to forgive everyone who hurt you. I talk a lot about it because it works. If forgiveness isnt right for you, right now, try the anger management strategies listed above.
I think what I really need you to know that is the most important is that holding on to anger, hurt, pain, resentment, etc is only hurting you, not the other person. They dont care. At all.
You dont deserve to live like this. You deserve happiness and inner peace.
Peace and Love
Recognize The Source Of Your Anger
Recognize when you are feeling angry, and try to determine the cause. Is the cause something you can change or control, or is it out of your hands? Further, is your anger being caused by someone who you will never see again, such as a grocery clerk or a server at a restaurant? Or is a family member or friend making you angry?
This is important to recognize because anger that you feel when dealing with people who are close to you involves an ongoing interaction. To handle these situations, the best strategies to implement are escaping the situation, relaxing, restructuring your thoughts, or expressing your anger directly in a calm and appropriate tone.
Another way to recognize the source of your anger is to step back and evaluate your life. Are you where you expected yourself to be at this point? It is possible that you are experiencing built-up frustration because your life is not meeting your expectations or you are not living up to the standards that you perceive other people have for you.
Unhealthy relationships and past experiences are also a common source of anger. When one person is often feeling vulnerable, or is triggered by a past pain in their relationship, it can lead to feelings of anger to cover up this pain. If you can identify the past experience that is continuing to impact your life in a negative way, you have to face that situation head-on so you can let it go.
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If The Anger Persists Consider Chatting With A Professional
When trying to figure out whether or not you want to seek support for dealing with this emotion, the APA suggests asking yourself, Is my anger working for me? If youre able to manage your anger and find the gems within it, you might not need professional support. If your anger impacts your well-being or relationships, it might be time to partner with a therapist to help you figure out how to move forward. Even if your anger isnt troubling, its okay to chat through your concerns and seek consolation from your provider or online support groups. As we mentioned, theres nothing wrong with getting angry , but you want to make sure that the anger isnt stealing all of your joy.
Take A Few Deep Breaths
Anger can feel cerebral, especially when youre clear on precisely what pushed you over the edge. But it isnt just happening in your mindthere is also a physiological response. This is good news: It means that you can do things that will activate your parasympathetic nervous system , which can help you temper your temper a little . There are lots of breathing techniques that might help, but you can start by putting one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach as you slowly breathe in and out through your nose.
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Drop Negative Attitudes About Yourself Or Others
Like subtle grudges, you may not be aware of limiting beliefs you have about yourself or others. Do you find yourself negating your own abilities, minimizing your successes, thinking you can’t do something before you even try, even if it’s something you really want? In the same vein, do you find yourself begrudging others’ success because you feel minimized by their triumphs, even though you logically know this isn’t necessarily true? Learn to recognize negative thinking patterns and cognitive distortions, and then change them.
How To Let Go Of Anger And Frustration So You Can Get On With Your Life
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How To Live A Stress Free Life In A Way Most People Dont
What does it look like to eliminate stress in your life?
No, it doesnt look like a made-for-television movie. No, it doesnt look like something only people with extra time and money can do. It looks like your lifebut without any self-created stress triggers.
Here are 12 ways to help you live a stress-free life:
Tips On How To Let Go Of Anger
In addition to ruining your positive mindset for the day, anger can negatively impact every aspect of your well-being. Thats why you must learn how to relieve pent-up anger and gain peace of mind once and for all. If youre having trouble letting go of angry feelings, consider these 20 tips for when anger rears its ugly head.
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Identify And Avoid Triggers
When letting go of anger for good, you must understand the things that trigger your irritation in the first place. Aggravated by a colleague that always taps their foot? Bring noise-canceling headphones to work. Frustrated by your morning commute? Look into alternative routes.
Once you become aware of the triggers for your anger, you can take the necessary steps to avoid them. If youre not sure where your anger is coming from, try to pause the next time you start to feel irritated.
Identify what was happening in the moments leading up to your anger. Were you with someone specific? Were you doing a certain activity? Pinpoint whats causing your anger and avoid the moments, places or people that make it spike.
Prepare Yourself Mentally And Physically
According to experts, were built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, its important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.
Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside. Bob Proctor
Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:
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Dont Let Everything Light Your Fuse
From bad drivers to spilled milk, sometimes we let the smallest things light our fuse. Once that anger gets started, it can be difficult to diffuse it. But most of the time, what makes us angry are minor inconveniences that we cannot control.
Not every event deserves a reaction. The next time you find yourself boiling over with anger, remember that youre allowing the situation to cause those angry feelings. Your happiness largely depends on your ability to let the small things go. If its not important, dont let it get you fired up.
Dont Sweat The Small Stuff
Sometimes, we get mad because of very small things. Most of the time, they are minor inconveniences that are out of our control.
The next time you find yourself boiling in anger, remember that your happiness is largely impacted by your ability to let things go. Let it go if its not important.
If someone jumped in front of you in line, dont fuss over this minor event and make a scene. Always pick your battles and allow your happiness to overcome your mild frustrations.
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Make A List Of Rules That Will Help You Identify Why You Are Feeling Hate And Anger
Weve all experienced anger and hate. These emotions are particularly strong and we tend to hold on to them. What we forget is anger and hate cause stress, which also cause cortisol to be constantly dripping in our veins. Have you thought about the damage you are doing to yourself by carrying anger and hate with you?
Anger and hate dont feel good. Period. It weighs you down and sends negative energy to those around you, which will weigh them down too.
Yes, its true, the cranky people create more cranky people.
Stress also wreaks havoc on our minds and bodies and can manifest into illness, injury, and mental health challenges. Why would you want to hold on to that?
While it may seem impossible, especially in the heat of the moment, there are ways to get past it.
The one thing we ALL have to do when we are experiencing negative emotions is FORGIVE. Forgive yourself and forgive others.
If you cant reach a point of forgiving, you need to dig into WHY you are experiencing hate and anger. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help identify the root of the pain.
- What am I feeling?
- Why am I feeling this way?
- When was the last time I felt like this?
- What caused me to feel this way before?
- What does this instance have in common with instances of the past?
- Are the anger and hate worth it?
- Does it stem from a lack of validation?
- Can you be the bigger person and forgive?
- Can you forgive yourself for allowing yourself to hold on to the anger and hate?
Why Letting Go Of Anger Is Essential To Your Well
You dont have to earn a Ph.D. to know that holding onto feelings of anger is detrimental to both your mental health and physical health. Negative emotions like anger affect everything from your blood pressure to your bone density, wreaking havoc throughout your body. And when you get angry, your body produces more cortisol, a hormone that heightens your stress levels and sparks a fight-or-flight response.
The more cortisol your body has, the less serotoninor happy hormoneyour body makes. With more focus on negative feelings, your body will
- Increase your heart rate, blood pressure and blood sugar
- Increase the likelihood of painful migraines and headaches
Not to mention, anger is also harmful to overall emotional and mental wellness. With happy hormones replaced by stress hormones, youre more likely to feel a dip in your self-esteem and overall confidence. This can make it difficult to maintain a high level of self-awareness, meaning an awkward, angry eruption at work or home can occur at any time.
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Where Are Your Angry Feelings Coming From
If you start the day feeling ticked off, it wont take much to reignite your fuse. Or if you have a stressful day at work, its common to come home feeling agitated. In either scenario, you may find that the smallest thing can make you angry. To let go, release and relieve pent-up anger, you must identify where your angry feelings stem from.
Maybe you recently argued with a family member over something trivial, like who would be responsible for taking a loved one to their doctors appointment. Or perhaps a coworker shot down your latest business development idea, sparking your anger. Now ask yourself: Was that instance worth losing a whole dayor multiple daysto anger?
Consider whether the energy youre putting into the anger is worth it in the first place. Who ignited your anger? Was it a close friend you respect, or was it someone youll never see again, like a driver in traffic or a grocery clerk? You wont want to lose a trusted friend, but a passerby in rush hour traffic is simply a blip in history, and they dont deserve your energy.
Create Distance To Let Go Of Your Anger
You might feel like you cannot handle the situation that has made you angry, you might at times be unable to cope with the amount of frustration and hurt that you are feeling. You might feel like you will explode at any time on the person that has hurt you. The best solution in this case would be to take a minute for yourself, simply excuse yourself from the situation. Walk away and take time to rethink and gather your thoughts.
Such practice may prevent you from saying something out of anger that you might regret later. Once you are completely relaxed, you can talk to that person and figure out the solution.
Moreover, distancing yourself from the person or the situation that has hurt you can help you in letting go of your anger by preventing you from facing that person or situation. When you are distanced you simply do not think about the situation or person so, you are not constantly reminded of your anger and hurt that you are trying to forget.
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Create A Positive Mantra To Counter The Painful Thoughts
How you talk to yourself can either move you forward or keep you stuck. Often, having a mantra that you tell yourself in times of emotional pain can help you reframe your thoughts.
For example, says clinical psychologist Carla Manly, PhD, instead of getting stuck in, I cant believe this happened to me! try a positive mantra such as, I am fortunate to be able to find a new path in life one that is good for me.
Stop Complaining About Things That Cant Be Changed
There are always going to be people elected into office whom you dont like, taxes that you dont want to pay, idiot drivers who refuse to move out of the left-hand lane, and a person ahead of you in the check-out line who wont stop chatting with the clerk.
The great benefit of being human is that we get to experience all of what life offers us, the good, the bad, and the ugly. To live stress-free is to learn to deal with this fact.
Dwelling on your frustration with a situation, person, place, or thing that cant be changed doesnt do anything other than drag you down. You are the only person who is will ultimately choose to decide how to respond to that which is.
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