How To Control Your Temper
As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didnt leave my bitterness and hatred behind, Id still be in prison. Nelson Mandela
Pop psychology is everywhere these days. You know that episode of whatever where one character hit out at another character because so-and-so died or such-and-such left them or he-or-she lied? Yeah, like that.
The reason these well-worn stories have never gone away is that they almost always ring true. Everybody is dealing with something, even if they dont feel like they are.
We have all lost our temper at some point, havent we? In that white-hot, rage-filled moment, we felt justified maybe we still do, even in hindsight, and if youre lucky it wasnt caught on camera.
The skill you need to develop is to keep your cool and not rise to provocation when it is offered.
Breathing exercises work. Counting to 10 under your breath works. Meditation works. All you have to do is want them to work and work at making them work.
Losing your temper and lashing out is the easy solution and, in the moment, it feels good, but the long-term ramifications for such rash action could be dire.
There are many options available for keeping your temper under control take your pick.
Get A Hug From A Loved One
Physical touch can do a lot to relieve your stress. Hugging a loved one can be especially beneficial.
When you hug someone, oxytocin is released. Oxytocin is associated with higher levels of happiness and lower levels of stress.
Oxytocin also causes a reduction in blood pressure. It reduces the stress hormone norepinephrine and can produce a sense of relaxation.
So don’t be afraid to ask a loved one for a hug if you need it. It’s good for both of you and it can be one of the simplest forms of stress relief available.
Tip : Find Sensory Inspiration
Having trouble identifying sensory techniques that work for you? Look for inspiration around you, from your sights as you go about your day to memories from your past.
Memories. Think back to what you did as a child to calm down. If you had a blanket or stuffed toy, you might benefit from tactile stimulation. Try tying a textured scarf around your neck before an appointment or keeping a piece of soft suede in your pocket.
Watch others. Observing how others deal with stress can give you valuable insight. Baseball players often pop gum before going up to bat. Singers often chat up the crowd before performing. Ask people you know how they stay focused under pressure.
Parents. Think back to what your parents did to blow off steam. Did your mother feel more relaxed after a long walk? Did your father work in the yard after a hard day?
The power of imagination. Once drawing upon your sensory toolbox becomes habit, try simply imagining vivid sensations when stress strikes. The memory of your babys face will have the same calming or energizing effects on your brain as seeing her photo. When you can recall a strong sensation, youll never be without a quick stress relief tool.
Take a break from technology
Taking a short hiatus from the television, computer, and cell phone will give you insight on what your senses respond to best.
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Dont Beat Up Your Pillow
Think hitting something will feel cathartic and help you reduce your anger? Punching a pillow doesnt help, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Contrary to popular belief, these common reactions dont decrease your anger. In fact, the researchers found they may actually increase your hostility.
Tips To Relieve Stress And Release Tension
How to relieve stress and release tension?
Stress and tension seem to be an integral part of life.
Wherever you go, they go after you. There is stress and tension at work, at home and in relationships. There is stress and tension due to health problems, and stress and tension brought about by ones financial situation.
Sometimes, you can eliminate or change the external cause, and sometimes you cannot. Often, when you cannot change the external cause, you become more stressed. If you can deal with the external cause thats great, but what if you cannot?
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What Causes Mental Stress
Its origin is triggered by a signal from outside stimuli a piece of information of an objective or subjective nature, or both at once. The mental stress develops very slowly at the beginning. We cannot observe its development because of our lack of understanding of mental energy.
The information we receive from the outside , creates a feeling that evolves into a negative emotion . For example, the inability to understand or accept other peoples point of view can cause mental stress.
My Personal Experience with Mental Stress
In my late twenties, I struggled consistently with mental stress. I was happy to work in a global corporation and also excited to be responsible for many projects at once. Despite the work load I had, I was a victim of mobbing because of my keen engagement towards my tasks. I was physically and mentally exhausted because of the many complex purchase orders I had to place for the projects assigned to me. On top of that, there were certain people in the organization giving me hard time because of my desire to strive to improve.
There was an immediate disharmony between me and these people that generated a feeling of intolerance and non-acceptance. This grew into feelings of disappointment and frustration, which ended up creating emotion of anger and anxiety over not performing well or losing my job.
Know The Difference Between Anger And Aggression
Anger is a feeling, an emotional reaction to particular stimuli, whereas aggression is a course of action brought about by that feeling.
Being angry once in a while is a normal and unavoidable part of the human condition. Aggression, on the other hand, is a decision.
Although aggression can take many forms, it is most often a conscious course of action taken as a result of anger. The most extreme form of reactive aggression is violence.
So if a person insults you, the feeling of anger that arises from it is more or less automatic, but the decision to retaliate in some way is an act of aggression, get it?
This is where the term anger management comes into play, because if you know how to adequately deal with your feelings of anger, then you are far less likely to respond aggressively to people or situations that make you angry.
Your feelings of anger are most likely normal and probably reasonable enough, but this does not necessarily validate a decision to react aggressively towards others.
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Spending Time With Your Loved Ones Can Reduce Stress And Anxiety
Your mood can be a lot better if you are spending time with your friends or family members who are capable of making you happy. Be it with your parents, kids or social circle, good talks are charming for your anxious part of the mind.
Laugh, sing or dance with them, and happy hormones will keep your mood alive. This is how to cure anxiety and stress in no time. Travel together, explore new variants of life and you are on cloud nine.
The Power Of Using I Statements
An I statement is a way of communicating the frustration you feel towards a person or situation without necessarily forcing blame upon them.
Using a you statement might be something like, youve ruined the roast. Look at it, youve burned it to a bloody crisp!
Whereas an I statement might be more along the lines of, Im really frustrated that the roast is ruined. I was looking forward to eating that
One statement focuses the ire and blame upon the person who burned the roast, while the other acknowledges the anger without aiming it at anyone in particular.
Correct use of I statements can really help to soothe a tense situationBut, sadly it wont save a burnt roast.
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Know That Everyone Gossips
Its one of the fundamental rules we teach our children: Just because someone says it, doesnt mean its true. Hearing gossip about yourself can be understandably painful and make you angry, but if you take a step back youll realize that what other people are saying doesnt have to define who you are, says Fran Walfish, an author and psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, CA.
Give Yourself A Scented Environment
Its time for a me-time! You might have experienced the movie scenes lately but its time to repeat with self. Yes, put on some scented candles in the room like lavender, rose, sandalwood, orange, etc. and massage your head with essential oils. Aromatherapy never goes wrong!
If a hot water shower is possible, take it. And no matter what, this me-time is a great deal to free yourself from stress.
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Keep Some Stress Relievers Handy
When youre having one of those days that you’ll scream if one more thing goes wrong, you usually do end up yelling at some point . Added stress can make you more anger-prone. Therefore, having stress management techniques on-hand to quiet the storm can help you soften or eliminate anger in your life.
Some techniques that are especially useful include:
- Breathing exercises: A few deep breaths can calm your stress response and enable you to feel more in control in virtually any situation.
- Progressive muscle relaxation: This can also offer some fast benefits, especially when practiced regularly.
- Cognitive restructuring: This technique can help you change some of your negative thoughts that contribute to stress and anger.
As for ongoing practices, meditation can provide some lasting benefits. Not only do you feel better when youre practicing it, but it can help you be less reactive to stress overall. Exercise carries similar benefits.
Now Try To Pinpoint Your Triggers
When you decide to examine your rage, random memories, thoughts, and emotions can arise. Some of those thoughts might include name-calling and colorful language . But theres probably valuable information lurking underneath the surface too.
Anger can arise when you lose your patience, feel like youre being ignored, disrespected, or overlooked, the Mayo Clinic explains. It can also happen when youre dealing with a situation that feels similar to a traumatic incident youve experienced before, the Mayo Clinic adds. Seeing all of your feelings on paper can help you figure out both what happened and how youre interpreting the situation. This can help you avoid those triggers in the future, the APA says. And, if youre angry at someone in particular, knowing what triggered you can help you communicate about what went down .
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Cut Down Caffeine Intake
High doses of caffeine through coffee, tea, or energy drinks can increase anxiety to a reasonable level. Now when you are looking at ways to relieve stress and anxiety, it is best to lower the level of caffeine.
However, the sensitivity of caffeine varies greatly among different people. And, this is why some people are perfectly normal after consuming it whereas some of them cant tolerate it at all.
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Activate The Relaxation Response
The way to counteract these feelings is to engage our parasympathetic nervous system by deep breathing. Basically, deep breathing and adrenaline cant co-exist in the same body.
Deep breathing triggers the stimulation of the vagus nervea nerve running from the base of the brain to the abdomen, that emits a neurotransmitter that dampens our nervous system, lowering heart rate, relaxes muscles and most importantly, stops your thoughts from racing so you can think straight.In effect, the relaxation response is the anti-fight or flight response!
Remember, the purpose of calm breathing is not to avoid anxiety or conflict at all costs.
It is a really useful technique to take the edge off your anxiety or anger and it can help you ride out the negative feelings.
That way, when you feel calmer, you can use strategies to challenge the thoughts and behaviors you have that are unhelpful to you.
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Develop A Positive Self
The way you talk to yourself matters. Harsh self-criticism, self-doubt, and catastrophic predictions aren’t helpful. If you’re constantly thinking things like, “I don’t have time for this,” and “I can’t stand this,” you’ll stress yourself out.
It’s important to learn to talk to yourself in a more realistic, compassionate manner. When you call yourself names or doubt your ability to succeed, reply with a kinder inner dialogue.
Positive self-talk can help you develop a healthier outlook. And an optimistic and compassionate conversation can help you manage your emotions and take positive action.
Healthy Ways To Release Rage
As a health care worker during the COVID-19 pandemic, youve probably dealt with some anger over the last few months, as the virus continues to take lives across the United States. With infection rates climbing once again, that anger may increase in intensity – what was once frustration may become full-blown rage. The circumstances causing this rage might be beyond your control , but you can control your own reactions. Relaxation techniques or mindfulness often work for lower intensity anger like frustration or annoyance, but with a feeling as high energy as rage, try to let that energy out in a safe way.
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How To Control Your Anger
Anger management classes can be immensely beneficial, but let’s look at other ways to control your anger from anxiety. You’ll want to focus on learning how to react to your anxiety in a way that isn’t anger related. Consider the following:
- Anger Thoughts Journaling Often anger builds up, and leads to thoughts that are hard to control. Journaling gives you a place to express all of those angry thoughts before they become bottled up, so your mind stops focusing on them as often.
- Close Eyes/Slow Breathing When the anger comes from irritation, or because you feel like you’re losing control, you need to find a quick way to take a step back. Start by closing your eyes , because this reduces the visual stimulation around you. Then, start slow breathing to calm your heart rate and reduce your strong negative emotions.
- Be Mindful It may also help to teach yourself mindfulness, which is the ability to stay present in the moment and be aware of your emotions and thoughts. By learning mindfulness, you give yourself an opportunity to analyze how you feel and potentially challenge those thoughts so that you can calm yourself down.
These are only temporary solutions because you’ll still need to control the anxiety itself. But they’ll at least get you started in learning to respond to issues without anger.
Hugs And Cuddles Are Helpful To Relieve Stress And Anxiety
Where hug therapy is becoming common to reduce mental stress, you can apply it as a stress balm with your friend, spouse or partner. A positive physical contact in any form like a cuddle, sex or kiss keeps the heart rate and blood pressure maintained.
In fact, animals also hug each other for lovable communication.
Here are 12 habits that you can adapt to relieve stress:
Now you know that there could be stress surrounding you but the healing power also lies within you. These top 10 methods mentioned above are certainly the real help. Now its time to tell us what works as a stress buster for you in the comment section below.
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How To Hang In There When You Are About To Unravel
We would all of course like to be cool, calm and collected at all times. Chaos surrounds us yet we remain serene and unflappable
So heres the reality. Things happen that push our buttons. We may get stressed, tearful or angry and thats when we are likely to do or say something that we feel bad about later.
Sometimes life is more stressful than at other times, usually when you have to juggle many things at once. I like to think of it as we have a bucket of stressors. Throw this stress in and we are fine, throw in a couple of more stressors and we are just about okay, but it is that last thing that comes along that makes your stress bucket over full and everything gets totally overwhelming. We need to look at all the things you have in your stress bucket and see what we can get rid of so the things we cant change are more manageable but first I want to share with you a quick and easy way to calm down fast.