What About Assertiveness Training
Its true that angry people need to learn to become assertive , but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who dont feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person they tend to let others walk all over them. That isnt something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.
Remember, you cant eliminate angerand it wouldnt be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You cant change that but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.
Could These Anger Stress Management Techniques Work For You
I would LOVE to hear from you? Which one of these stress anger management tips would work for you?
Use the comment box below to share your thoughts and comments!
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Create A Calm Down Kit
If you tend to come home from work stressed and take out your anger on your family, or you know that workplace meetings cause you a lot of frustration, create a calm down kit that you can use to relax.
Think about objects that help engage all your senses. When you can look, hear, see, smell, and touch calming things, you can change your emotional state. So a calm down kit might include scented hand lotion, a picture of a serene landscape, a spiritual passage you can read aloud, and a few pieces of your favorite candy. Include things that you know will help you remain calm.
You also might create a virtual calm down kit that you can take everywhere. These are things that you can call upon when needed and are more portable. For instance, calming music and images, guided meditation, or instructions for breathing exercises could be stored in a special folder on your smartphone.
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Take Care Of Yourself
If your body is under a lot of stress and strain, you may be more prone to anger in your daily life. For example, sleep-deprived people are often cranky. The same holds for hungry people.
If youre able to create a nice work-life balance so that you have enough time outside of work to:
When you take care of yourself, you may find that you feel less tense and anger-prone.
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Managing Anger And Depression
Its not uncommon for men to also struggle with issues around managing anger when theyre fighting depression. Here are some tips to help.
âSadness isnt the only symptom of depression â anger and irritability can also be signals that something more serious is going on.â
While feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and guilt are typical symptoms of depression, there are other signs as well. Its not uncommon for men to also struggle with anger and irritability when theyre fighting depression.
Anger and irritability can show up in a lot of different ways. For example, a guy may become overly sensitive to criticism, highly critical of himself or others, lose his sense of humour, experience frequent road rage, have a short temper, be controlling, or be verbally or physically abusive toward others.
Because these symptoms arent typically associated with depression, men may not realize that depression could be the underlying cause.
Here are some tips on how to manage issues with anger and depression.
How To Live A Stress Free Life In A Way Most People Dont
What does it look like to eliminate stress in your life?
No, it doesnt look like a made-for-television movie. No, it doesnt look like something only people with extra time and money can do. It looks like your lifebut without any self-created stress triggers.
Here are 12 ways to help you live a stress-free life:
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How You Can Use Humour As A Tool
Humour is a very useful tool when it comes to relationships of any kind, from the gleeful giggles of a first date to the well-rehearsed running jokes of a long term friendship and even the comparative awkwardness of client meetings and discussions with tellers at the bank.
Socially, we use humor for many reasons, including masking our true feelings, attracting potential mates, building trust, hiding pain and communicating difficult information to others.
However, humor can backfire on you and when it does, look out! Weve all been at a family gathering, meeting or, uh, place of worship, where an ill-considered joke has just bombed. It is, to say the least, not much fun. You definitely want to avoid this in a professional setting, so here are a few tips.
How Do I Manage An Angry Child Or Teenager
When your child becomes angry you are likely to feel distressed and rejected.
Try to set your feelings aside and to focus on them, your child, caught up in an emotion they canât handle well. They need your help.
- Respond to the anger, not the child or teenager. Be clear when you react, that it is your childâs behaviour, not your child, that you donât like. This may seem obvious to you but it may not be obvious to them.
- Stay calm. Keep your body language relaxed. Donât shout.
- Acknowledge the anger: âI can see youâre really angry.â
- Consider using time out to give them a chance to calm down and then discuss things.
- Donât lecture.
- Donât patronise or tell them theyâre too young to know anything.
- Be ready to listen, and tell them they can say anything they need to say.
- Having given them that permission, donât take it personally.
- Verbal or physical abuse or violence from your child can be very difficult:
- If you can do so safely, remove yourself from the room.
- If not, and you feel that you or anyone else are at immediate risk of harm, warn the child that if the aggression does not stop you will need to ask the police to come and help you keep everyone safe. Whilst this is a very tough thing to do, it may be needed to keep everyone safe.
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Dont Sweat The Small Stuff
Sometimes, we get mad because of very small things. Most of the time, they are minor inconveniences that are out of our control.
The next time you find yourself boiling in anger, remember that your happiness is largely impacted by your ability to let things go. Let it go if its not important.
If someone jumped in front of you in line, dont fuss over this minor event and make a scene. Always pick your battles and allow your happiness to overcome your mild frustrations.
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How To Keep A Level Head
One of the best ways to avoid feeling excessive anger is to live a healthy lifestyle. Exercise regularly to reduce stress and work through feelings of irritation. Exercise can help you by releasing endorphins, feel-good chemicals that can boost your mood. Many people struggling with anxiety and depression find that regular exercise helps to level their mood.
Take the time to relax for a little while on a regular basis. That could be half an hour of quiet time before bed, or it could be a day to yourself each week. Avoid using drugs or alcohol to relax, because they can mask issues in the short term, but may make things worse in the long term. Try to find other outlets whether its sports, music, painting, writing, meditation, or yoga.
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Know The Difference Between Anger And Aggression
Anger is a feeling, an emotional reaction to particular stimuli, whereas aggression is a course of action brought about by that feeling.
Being angry once in a while is a normal and unavoidable part of the human condition. Aggression, on the other hand, is a decision.
Although aggression can take many forms, it is most often a conscious course of action taken as a result of anger. The most extreme form of reactive aggression is violence.
So if a person insults you, the feeling of anger that arises from it is more or less automatic, but the decision to retaliate in some way is an act of aggression, get it?
This is where the term anger management comes into play, because if you know how to adequately deal with your feelings of anger, then you are far less likely to respond aggressively to people or situations that make you angry.
Your feelings of anger are most likely normal and probably reasonable enough, but this does not necessarily validate a decision to react aggressively towards others.
Why Guys Lose It
For thousands of years, fathers have been teaching their sons that anger is acceptable and that other feelings, such as grief and fear, just arent manly. For better or for worse, thats one reason guys often choose anger over expressing sadness or vulnerability. Similarly, there is a long history of anger being the only acceptable negative emotion guys can show at work or in other group settings.
At its core, anger is often a response to feeling hurt, and it may be easier to be angry than it is to admit to being vulnerable. Suck it up! Men dont cry! Dont be a sissy! Sound familiar?
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Create A Positive Mantra To Counter The Painful Thoughts
How you talk to yourself can either move you forward or keep you stuck. Often, having a mantra that you tell yourself in times of emotional pain can help you reframe your thoughts.
For example, says clinical psychologist Carla Manly, PhD, instead of getting stuck in, I cant believe this happened to me! try a positive mantra such as, I am fortunate to be able to find a new path in life one that is good for me.
Tip : Find Healthier Ways To Express Your Anger
If youve decided that the situation is worth getting angry about and theres something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your feelings in a healthy way. Learning how to resolve conflict in a positive way will help you strengthen your relationships rather than damaging them.
Always fight fair. Its okay to be upset at someone, but if you dont fight fair, the relationship will quickly break down. Fighting fair allows you to express your own needs while still respecting others.
Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than winning the argument, should always be your first priority. Respect the other person and their viewpoint.
Focus on the present. Once you are in the heat of arguing, its easy to start throwing past grievances into the mix. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem.
Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if youre unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.
Take five if things get too heated. If your anger starts to spiral out of control, remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes or for as long as it takes you to cool down.
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How To Manage Stress And Anger
Anger management and stress management work in similar ways. One reason for this is that anger and stress both have a psychological component so they can be managed psychologically. Both emotions can affect us in very negative ways, mainly if left unmanaged, and that is why it is essential to understand their relationship.
Channel Your Anger Energy Strategically
For a long time, Rutgers professor Dr. Brittney Cooper thought she needed to be in control of her emotions to be respected and to avoid being labeled as an angry Black woman. But that changed when one of her students told her, I love to listen to you lecture because your lectures the most eloquent rage. The authenticity of Dr. Coopers emotion made her students pay attention. Now she thinks of anger as a superpower that can give Black women the strength to fight injustice.
Research backs Cooper up. If we tap into it, anger can actually increase our confidence and make us certain that we are capable and strong.Researchers found that people who are angry also hold the belief that they will prevail under any circumstances. During U.S. Navy SEAL training, new recruits learn that they can use the intense emotions and adrenaline that come from rage to give them energy when they face dangerous circumstances.
You can use this same strategy and use anger as the motivation to effectively advocate for yourself. Say you feel you deserve a promotion but have been scared to ask. Think to yourself: What would I do if I were the type of person who got angry about this? Or what would I suggest a friend do in this situation if I were angry on their behalf?
Most of us are raised to equate anger with out-of-control meltdowns. But this emotion is an important signal that something is wrong. And, harnessed effectively, it can give us the strength we need to make things right.
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The Dangers Of Being Angry
An appropriate level of anger can spur us to take proper action, solve problems, and handle situations constructively.
However, uncontrolled anger in the workplace can have many negative consequences. It can cloud our ability to make good decisions, affect relationships with co-workers, and destroy trust between team members.
Effective team working is based on sharing ideas in a supportive environment. If people think their team leader will fly into a rage if they suggest something, they’ll stop contributing and the team won’t function at its best.
Unexpressed anger can be as harmful as outward rage. You may not express your anger but instead bear grudges or feel like you’re a victim, with damaging consequences for team cohesion.
Frequent anger, whether expressed or not, poses health risks, too. One study found that people who get angry regularly are more likely to suffer from heart disease. Research also highlights a link between anger and premature death. Further studies show it correlates to anxiety and depression.
Tip:
which are hunger, anger, loneliness, tiredness that can signal you’re close to burnout.
Exercises To Manage Our Response To Anger
In Jigsaw, when we work with a young person on their responses to anger, we ask them to think about the consequences. Lets say, for example, you get angry and smash your phone. The result: you have a broken phone and the thing making you angry probably hasnt changed.
Another visualisation exercise we try is thinking of anger like a thermometer with gradients going from 1 to 10.
Imagine how you would feel at the different points. At three, four, five maybe you have a twitchy leg, or a clenched fist. At six, seven eight, nine imagine how hot and strong that feels. Think how difficult your response gets to manage at this stage.
Its not wrong to be at ten out of ten anger. Its just we have little control over our responses when were at that point. The aim is to catch the anger rising and keep it at four or five to stay calm.
This animation was developed for us by students in the Institute of Art, Design and Technology in Dún Laoghaire, Co Dublin. It outlines ways to deal with anger.
We all feel anger at different stages. Its a common emotion but it can be helpful to try different ways to respond to it.
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How A Psychologist Can Help
If you continue to feel overwhelmed, or other licensed mental health professional who can help you learn how to control your anger. He or she can help you identify problem areas and then develop an action plan for changing them.
The American Psychological Association gratefully acknowledges psychologists Raymond W. Novaco, PhD, and Raymond DiGiuseppe, PhD, for their help with this fact sheet.
Where Are Your Angry Feelings Coming From
If you start the day feeling ticked off, it wont take much to reignite your fuse. Or if you have a stressful day at work, its common to come home feeling agitated. In either scenario, you may find that the smallest thing can make you angry. To let go, release and relieve pent-up anger, you must identify where your angry feelings stem from.
Maybe you recently argued with a family member over something trivial, like who would be responsible for taking a loved one to their doctors appointment. Or perhaps a coworker shot down your latest business development idea, sparking your anger. Now ask yourself: Was that instance worth losing a whole dayor multiple daysto anger?
Consider whether the energy youre putting into the anger is worth it in the first place. Who ignited your anger? Was it a close friend you respect, or was it someone youll never see again, like a driver in traffic or a grocery clerk? You wont want to lose a trusted friend, but a passerby in rush hour traffic is simply a blip in history, and they dont deserve your energy.
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